Food For Thought... vol V

What is it about the demise of a non existent friendship that makes us uncomfortable yet at ease. I'm not saying that it is the actual demise of the friendship is what makes me uncomfortable, it's more the backlash of what is yet to come. The actual ease comes from the ability to wipe your hands clean of the drama that ensues from the instant that person walks in the door.

Picture Friday... A somewhat cloudy day with imminent storms in the near future, cooler temperatures than normal, a pleasing comfort from being in a city that I have grown to love, and having the ability to introduce dear friends to my girlfriend. There was an anxiousness that I hadn't felt in sometime, and a few introspective moments of pride as the anticipation of friends past and present are introduced over a pool table and good music. Quite an interesting affair, and more fun than I have had in quite some time.

It's always amazing when you pull people from different backgrounds, different belief structures, and different cultures together put them in a barroom environment, and let loose on a relaxing adventure in debauchery and lessened moral structure. Combine that with newness and lack of familiarity and we have an evening that can be foreseen as interesting, informative, and of course dramatic.

Fade in, 4pm, a smokey bar room in Old Town Alexandria. In the background the song Piano Man, can be heard from the jukebox that we stood next to. The clanking of billiard balls directly behind us set the mood and desire for some competitiveness amongst friends. All is well for the most part. I sense a bit of discomfort from by best of friends but all seems OK for the most part. Him and I discuss a few things and I realize that he is a bit on edge. He is not upset or angry, just a little on edge. I was a bit concerned, as he assure me that he would be fine, so we carried on and continued to have a great time.

My girlfriend was enjoying the opportunity to meet new people and and see what it was like to hang out in an area that she previously never ventured before. Her an I chatted about the local area, and about who I knew and what else there was to do. We were relaxing, and laughing. We picked up a few inside jokes, and we continued getting to know each other a bit more. Even when you are with someone intimately for an infinite amount of time, there is always something new to learn about your significant other. Even in fifty years I hope to still be learning about my partner. Regardless of any outside concern it was a group of friends having a good time. Very, very, enjoyable!

Over the hours we started to get calls from a few others. Additional people are always welcome when there is a good time to be had. We all feel as such. I know that those that read this are the same as I. When I am out and about I like to be social. Social settings breed socialites. My friends and I are just that. We are not rich, we are not the most proper of people, and the dive up the street is good enough for us, however we are classified as socialites, and we're good at it! There have been some very random events that have occurred over the times that we have been friends, most of which have been wonderful experiences that have resulted in many stories to tell. Mostly positive, and hilarious. These are the times that you will talk about for ever, they are the experiences that you hold onto and tell you children about when they are old enough to make the decisions as to right and wrong. They are the stories that are timeless, and wonderful, and what will fuel your cravings for adventure for years to come. This night was to be another adventure and the people involved were to have another night of fond memories.

So as a few of the people came along to catch up on lost time, everything was going wonderfully. We were laughing and acting the fool. We decided to wrap up the afternoon, and head out to another local establishment still early enough to walk around and enjoy the weather as the rain had passed and the sun was shining brightly. The walk to the next place was about 7 blocks away, and a hilarious walk it was. I don't think that there could've been one thing that could've ruined this day. For some reason when we are all together, it's like we're in college. Nothing is serious. We look for and find comedy in everything we see, and if we don't see it at that time then we create comedy around us. We turn everything in to a joke when were together.

As we all started to spill in to the next watering hole, various tabs were started and everyone started to settle a bit, though after about 20 or 30 mins I noticed one member of the circle was continuing to get a bit peeved. As such I confronted him and found out that, one of the newer members of the group was putting everything that he was getting on to his tab.

BACK STORY!!! This new member of out tight knit circle, has a habit of not paying for what he is responsible for. I know this because several weeks prior the same had happened to me. This gentleman takes pride in the fact that he can handle his own, his children, and the rest of his family, though when opportunity allows, he generally will take advantage of whoever is around him. I have noticed this on several occasions, not just with me, but with other friends that have had the same experiences. If it wasn't him throwing food and drinks on someones bill, its taking advantage of 4:30 am car rides, when alcohol was very prevalent the night before. My friends are very loyal to each other, and under normal circumstances all would be cool. However, when the person that is supposed to drive had been drinking til 3:30am and is supposed to drive you home at 4:30am it would be nice to have a heads up so one doesn't run the risk of a DUI. Preparation and responsibility is always smiled upon in our circle, but when one puts in jeopardy another of the circles well being, no smiles can be found.

That being said, I can continue with the events that are about to occur.

As stated before I notice my friend becoming more and more irritated, so I asked him outside so that I can speak with him. More than anything I just want smiles at the table, and everyone to get a long as we were before. Right after we walked outside and began chatting, the offender walked out, and there was a small confrontation as to the abuse of the friendship, and the offender got angry. He was drunk, obviously guilty, and wanted to shift everything aside and act like an asshole instead. As this transition began to occur, I had to step in the middle of the situation in an attempt to diffuse the situation before it moved forward with negative consequences. During the focus shift from my friend to myself, the offender wanted to act an ass to me. My friend walked away, and that pissed off the offender. He attempted to follow my friend in to an ally and in turn, I grabbed his arm. I allowed him to move forward in the direction of the alley but once we reached there he just wanted a confrontation again. I continued to hold the gentleman and at that point he looked as if he was going to swing on me. In an instant I took him to the ground in a non threatening manner, and cross faced him to insure that he could not move or gain control of the situation. After a few moments my friend placed his knee on the offenders chest and allowed me to get up. I wanted the entire situation to be squashed, and I found that there was no settling this gentleman down. He was very intent on taking care of both my friend and I. He felt so sure that he needed to settle this with violence that he called some of his other friends to meet up there and have both my friend and I taken care of.

I don't feel the need to go any further other than to say that nothing ever happened as far as the offenders "boys" never showed up. Not that they needed to, there was no reason for it. This is just a case of someone getting called out for wrongdoing, and his immature reaction to such in a very immature, negative manner.

I suppose the reason i felt compelled to write about this, is because I know that we have all encountered such affairs. The offender in this situation is obviously not a friend. He is a poor excuse for an adult that claims to be a man because of his children, and family. In all reality he is a selfish man that is only concerned for himself and has no real direction in his life. I feel empathy for this man. I wish nothing but happiness and joy for him, while at the same time realizing that he was never really a friend in the first place. He needs to find his way in life, and he needs to know that no matter the situation, friends can be there for you, but that in a true friendship all actions must be reciprocated. With out reciprocation there can be no full circled friendship. I'm not saying that I haven't taken advantage of certain circumstances at times... We all have, but as for now, I know that if you really want to move forward in life, you have to be real with the people around you. I am real with my closest friends. Those are the people that I can count on when I need to be picked up from a bad day, they are the people that I call when something wonderful happens, they are an extension of my family, and will know more about me than anyone else in this world. I cherish the friendships that I have and will always appreciate those bonds that I have made.

I wish the same for all of you. I pray that the friendships that you have are real, I pray that the bonds that you have made over the years are true and real, if not don't waste your time in letting them know what the difference between a friend an an acquaintance are. After all its your friends that will carry you through all the times in you life... Good and bad... For me, I now know the difference and am happy that I now know the definition of a nonexistent friendship, and I'm happy that it's over... Dead weight is just that!!! DEAD WEIGHT!!!

I hope that all of you find solace with your friends, and I can promise, I will always do the same!!! Be well everyone...