What is it? What is it that we all do on a daily basis, that actually makes sense. I sit... I dream... and I write for the simple pleasure of saying that I understand who I am. But in reality... Do I really? I know what I like what I dislike and what I one day wish to accomplish. Ive spent so much time in my life being a selfish bastard and in truth what did I learn from it all... I learned how to alienate myself from my family, friends, women, and just about every other person that Ive come in contact with.
I learned how to set aside my feelings in an attempt to only concentrate on my work, and to claim that there is a greater good out there that doesn't require me to form viable relationships with people that actually want to get to know me. All in all it has always been fear. I can admit that now... I have spent the last year attempting to give people strength through words, because of experiences that I have had in my life, but really, what the hell do I know that you don't already. You as the American public, some of whom I claim as my friends, and some I barely know have all the same experiences as I. I can talk about failed relationships because I have had them. I can talk about trouble, because Ive been in it, I can talk about anything that all of you can, because were all living this life.
Most of those that read this are 30somethings that are still attempting to find themselves, and their place in this world. Thats me I know for sure... But the funny thing is that I hide behind words. I have to, Its my safety net... I use the english language to create strength when in actuality it is because of my weekness that I write... One day I hope to be someone capable of being loved. I hope to allow myself that opportunity... Its not that I haven't had the opportunity to do so, I just havent allowed myself the priveledge... I have run from every true emotional relationship I have ever had, even in friendship. I wouldn't listen to actual reason... I wouldn't allow myself to let people in, and honestly I still dont a lot of the time. I use my words to deflect attention from my emotional side, and use psycho babble, and basic sociology to try and come across as the rational one... I have been trying to figure out over the past year or so why it is that I do this, and have only come to one conclusion... I am more scared of deep human emotion that I am anything else in this world... Now some may say thats not true, because you may know my emotional standing and my self awareness, how ever... there are others that will question why it is so easy for me to just pick up and leave and never say a word again... Truth is, I have been affraid to become attached to anyone, for fear that my vulnurabilities will shine through, and I will have to expose my self for who I am... A grown man that is really still afraid to get hurt... Affraid that someone will claim friendship or love and just walk away... leaving me to my own devices to attempt to start fresh again... Its easier for me to walk away first than it is to face loss, if it should happen to me... Over the years I have dissappointed friends, family, and myself because of stupid decisions I have made, and in truth it was really an attempt to push everyone away, because it was easier to be alone than to take on the responsibility of actually having to be counted on...
I know that scars run deep on some, and worse on others, and I have been through enough therapy to know that my primal behavior is due to early experiences in life, but why now should it still affect me... Its like a cycle that really doesnt need to occur any longer... I have hidden behind charitable contribution, a very plastic social life, and the english language to insure that I expose only enough of myself for people to like me, and I keep hidden my fear so that I can always seem rational, while in truth I am still the scared little boy that I was 23 years ago... Having to leave my home town, having to start fresh, having to wonder about who I will become because all I knew was what I had before. Some people call me a social butterfly, but really who knows me? There are honestly only a very few... I also use social entertainment to divert focus, to change topic, to hide within the crowd capitalizing on comedy and extroverted behavior to push people in to believing that I am the most secure man in the land. My old ego stemmed from the same. I thought that I was the man... I thought that everyone was lucky to know me, to claim me as a friend... What kind of idiot actually believes that? God complex anyone? When in truth most just laughed behind my back, as they should of. I used to claim that I was real when in actuality I was just as plastic as a Barbi Doll really only caring about myself. I was the picture perfect con man, alowing people only to know my intended surface, not really allowing people to know me. Rule #1 in the Con... Expose a little vulnerability and then conceal the rest... Only let people know what you want them to know until they trust you, and then you can claim friendship... Complete and utter idocity. My therapist always said it was a defense mechanism... Whether or not, it was syill always wrong and inhumane.
I have always preached humanity, and helping people, when in truth i didnt even know what the hell those words meant til this past summer. I exposed myself completely to another human being, and I got terribly hurt. It was my own fault really. I was very upfront about wanting things between us to simple, and noncommital, but it changed for me. I saw a future, a dream. I saw that people can be wonderful. I saw that the dynamic of one person can inspire another to be better. I wanted a future with her. I learned that even in a crazy life you could really share time with others and not worry about your faults, that those faults actually make you who you are. She did not want the same. but I learned over time that she taught me more than I ever thought possible. Im not perfect, Im not special, and Im not great... Im human, and it took me getting hurt terribly bad to understand that. I am still friends with this person, and its honestly because of her that I am able to write all of this. I actually appreciate the lesson learned. I dont have to be affraid anymore. I can have close friends, and I can just be me, and for me I feel free. I dont care if people like me or not anymore. Im just me. I still hide behind my words sometimes, but old habits do die hard. I have exposed more about myself to others, and have actually given people the opportunity, to get to know who I really am, and what Im capable of being... I mean lets be honest, its always a work in progress, but at least its progress. The words that I have written this morning are part of that. Some will read this and say what the hell is wrong with this guy, yet others will read and know that what im saying is truth. They will know my old behavior, and see what Im talking about... Most will say yea Bobby was a dick, a self important, self loathing prick that demanded respect but never gave any. All I can do is agree, I was. But now I can just move forward and actually respect so many others. I can be a nameless face in the crowd, or I can participate. At this point in my life I have nothing to prove. I just know what I have to do, and while I continually evolve (much like all of you), I will find my place in this world.
Be well to eachother, and learn from eachother. Take these short years and take the opportunity to truly befriend people, but befriend yourself first, and know that as a human being, you can make mistakes. Thanks for reading, and if theres anything that I can do let me know... I can be here for someone now, I know who I am, and I was there for no one but myself in the past.
One love,
Bobby
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Food For Thought... Vol X
For years I have wondered what was to become of my life, my family, my friends and my country. I have lost so much time in protecting my own ass that I have spent much of this summer thinking and dwelling on those that have been close to me over the years. I know that I have made many acquaintances over the years, but what is said of true friendship. I often think about the choices that I have made in life and most of which have been directly affected by the decisions of others. As far as school went I was always more of a follower than a person of substance. I can admit that now, though if you were to have asked me when I was back in high school I would have told you that I was as original as the Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices in KFC's Fried Chicken. HA HA!!! The truth is... I don't think I ever really found myself after that. I went on to two marriages, having a child, and attempting to find my niche, never knowing exactly what I truly wanted of needed. I always went on to the next expected step in life. I look at some of the things that have occurred and wonder if I had messages from God during the processes.
Right before my first wedding i burnt my left hand so badly that I was wearing bandages for the wedding. An experience that I wouldn't want to give or share with anyone. Quite painful, 400 degree vegetable oil. I was also Diagnosed with H Pylori, a parasite that I have apparently had for quite some time. The parasite eats holes in your stomach lining as it grows. I apparently picked it up as a child in Mexico. To make the story more fun... I cant take the medicine to get rid of it. I know this because I started taking them a few days before the wedding. The week that I took them was like hell. This amazing parasite killer tied my stomach in so many knots that I could barely move without wanting to vomit. Yes this was also on the wedding day and most of the Honeymoon that followed. I don't know if these were signs, but honestly... I look back now and wonder. I imagine that though the marriage wasn't for us. At least the child bearing was. We do have a little one together and hes a wonderful example of a child. Well behaved, polite, smart, and hilarious. She is a wonderful Mother to him and is now happy and settled in her life with the man of her dreams and another little one. I will say that though things didn't work out I'm am grateful that she is his mother.
As for the second marriage. It was crazy! This leads me to admit a few things, and help with a few rules. First I will admit that going quickly in to another relationship after your first marriage is a no-no. I was very quick in moving right on. I suppose for me that all was a matter of winning at having a successful home life. I can say though... PLEASE KNOW WHAT YOUR GETTING IN TO!!! Not only did I jump in to a relationship quickly, I asked her to marry me after the long, adjusted period of three months. On her lead, I moved to a new county, started a new job, and decided to plant roots. Please keep in mind, I know that I did this of my own free will, but I look back now and know that it wasn't what I wanted. I thought that I was doing what was next in the accelerated plans that her and I made. Fast engagement, Fast marriage, Quick child, but that's all I knew how to do. Quite moronic if you ask me. I know I was.... Seriously... You don't have to tell me. So here we are on the wedding day. I had apparently used lanolin on my face so I had what resembled on a small scale, a flesh eating bacteria tearing up my skin. Apparently a terrible allergic reaction, though lanolin had never bothered me before. Go figure. Another sign on another big day. We still tied the knot and began our blissful one year together. We were barely together a year and ten months before the split. Over that time I compromised every ounce of my being, bought a house, went against a lot of what I believed in, and found myself very unhappy, as did she. Some of the broad point accusations were a bit off colored, and some of the things that were said over the years have been made into urban myths, but I will still stand my ground on most. In the divorce I lost my house, some friends, developed one hell of a drinking problem, and thought that life was over. I realize now that all was a lesson.
So the rules. Never marry your rebound girl, never buy a house before you know in your heart that your ready, don't plant roots in an area that you spent a lot of time trying to get out of, and always give yourself the opportunity of self repair after a long term relationship. Odds are, if you are not in a relationship that is healthy enough to succeed, then you need to occupy your time trying to figure out what you want, and need as opposed to looking for the next best thing.
From what I have heard over the years... The second wife is doing well. She is doing her thing, has a child, and is living in the county that we resided in together. I do wish her all the best, as I know that I've learned a lot from her.
As for others that I have known throughout the years, I can only hope that they are doing well. Since I've been back around the Southern tip of Maryland lately, I have heard from a few people, and have heard of a few people, but have really been quite content keeping to myself. I have a great Job, and a few friends that I speak to daily, or at least attempt to.
Over the past year, I have lived and learned what life is supposed to be like. I could awake in the city, head to Misha's grab a cup of the life juice we know as coffee, read the paper, and be that nameless face if I wanted. I could have my lunch uninterrupted and make a few calls if needed. I learned solemness. I learned that it's OK to be me. I learned that the only person you need to please when your alone is you. It taught me to be completely comfortable being with just me. I don't have to follow others, in anything. I can express my opinions, my thoughts, and my quirks. I can be an individual, and I don't have to be a part of any particular crowd. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? Because I was so caught up in everyone else's life, everyone else's business, and everyone else's drama. I lost track of me for a while, and this summer saved me.
To those of this summer I praise you. Mark, Will, Erin, Heather, Kate, all of you... I thank you... You have all taught me valuable lessons, and you were all there to listen to my shit!!! Lol!!! Ill never forget any of you...
To those that are just reading... Don't follow, but don't lose touch either... Always remember where you come from and never forget those that help you along the way. We change the lives of others everyday. Whether we just say hi, or decide to make fun... All is always remembered. It will also make for a remembrance of you. If you are kind than others will be kind to you and remember you as such, just the same as if you are mean and pigheaded, but who wants to be remembered in that manner.
Think about it... What do you want out of life?
Right before my first wedding i burnt my left hand so badly that I was wearing bandages for the wedding. An experience that I wouldn't want to give or share with anyone. Quite painful, 400 degree vegetable oil. I was also Diagnosed with H Pylori, a parasite that I have apparently had for quite some time. The parasite eats holes in your stomach lining as it grows. I apparently picked it up as a child in Mexico. To make the story more fun... I cant take the medicine to get rid of it. I know this because I started taking them a few days before the wedding. The week that I took them was like hell. This amazing parasite killer tied my stomach in so many knots that I could barely move without wanting to vomit. Yes this was also on the wedding day and most of the Honeymoon that followed. I don't know if these were signs, but honestly... I look back now and wonder. I imagine that though the marriage wasn't for us. At least the child bearing was. We do have a little one together and hes a wonderful example of a child. Well behaved, polite, smart, and hilarious. She is a wonderful Mother to him and is now happy and settled in her life with the man of her dreams and another little one. I will say that though things didn't work out I'm am grateful that she is his mother.
As for the second marriage. It was crazy! This leads me to admit a few things, and help with a few rules. First I will admit that going quickly in to another relationship after your first marriage is a no-no. I was very quick in moving right on. I suppose for me that all was a matter of winning at having a successful home life. I can say though... PLEASE KNOW WHAT YOUR GETTING IN TO!!! Not only did I jump in to a relationship quickly, I asked her to marry me after the long, adjusted period of three months. On her lead, I moved to a new county, started a new job, and decided to plant roots. Please keep in mind, I know that I did this of my own free will, but I look back now and know that it wasn't what I wanted. I thought that I was doing what was next in the accelerated plans that her and I made. Fast engagement, Fast marriage, Quick child, but that's all I knew how to do. Quite moronic if you ask me. I know I was.... Seriously... You don't have to tell me. So here we are on the wedding day. I had apparently used lanolin on my face so I had what resembled on a small scale, a flesh eating bacteria tearing up my skin. Apparently a terrible allergic reaction, though lanolin had never bothered me before. Go figure. Another sign on another big day. We still tied the knot and began our blissful one year together. We were barely together a year and ten months before the split. Over that time I compromised every ounce of my being, bought a house, went against a lot of what I believed in, and found myself very unhappy, as did she. Some of the broad point accusations were a bit off colored, and some of the things that were said over the years have been made into urban myths, but I will still stand my ground on most. In the divorce I lost my house, some friends, developed one hell of a drinking problem, and thought that life was over. I realize now that all was a lesson.
So the rules. Never marry your rebound girl, never buy a house before you know in your heart that your ready, don't plant roots in an area that you spent a lot of time trying to get out of, and always give yourself the opportunity of self repair after a long term relationship. Odds are, if you are not in a relationship that is healthy enough to succeed, then you need to occupy your time trying to figure out what you want, and need as opposed to looking for the next best thing.
From what I have heard over the years... The second wife is doing well. She is doing her thing, has a child, and is living in the county that we resided in together. I do wish her all the best, as I know that I've learned a lot from her.
As for others that I have known throughout the years, I can only hope that they are doing well. Since I've been back around the Southern tip of Maryland lately, I have heard from a few people, and have heard of a few people, but have really been quite content keeping to myself. I have a great Job, and a few friends that I speak to daily, or at least attempt to.
Over the past year, I have lived and learned what life is supposed to be like. I could awake in the city, head to Misha's grab a cup of the life juice we know as coffee, read the paper, and be that nameless face if I wanted. I could have my lunch uninterrupted and make a few calls if needed. I learned solemness. I learned that it's OK to be me. I learned that the only person you need to please when your alone is you. It taught me to be completely comfortable being with just me. I don't have to follow others, in anything. I can express my opinions, my thoughts, and my quirks. I can be an individual, and I don't have to be a part of any particular crowd. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? Because I was so caught up in everyone else's life, everyone else's business, and everyone else's drama. I lost track of me for a while, and this summer saved me.
To those of this summer I praise you. Mark, Will, Erin, Heather, Kate, all of you... I thank you... You have all taught me valuable lessons, and you were all there to listen to my shit!!! Lol!!! Ill never forget any of you...
To those that are just reading... Don't follow, but don't lose touch either... Always remember where you come from and never forget those that help you along the way. We change the lives of others everyday. Whether we just say hi, or decide to make fun... All is always remembered. It will also make for a remembrance of you. If you are kind than others will be kind to you and remember you as such, just the same as if you are mean and pigheaded, but who wants to be remembered in that manner.
Think about it... What do you want out of life?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Food For Thought... Vol IX
Hello world and good morning to you all.
Today is a day of rebirth for so many. I think about this from time to time to realize that I'm not so important after all. I can sit back, look at face book, play a bit of poker online, or sit here with my girlfriend, and though these things are important to me, I realize that not all things are really that significant. Please don't get me wrong, Its not that I don't feel that things are significant, Its really just there is so many things going on in this world that we just don't consider daily.
When I was living in the city, I realized a lot of things about the area that I now call home. I thought about the drama, the back stabbing, the non-information based decisions that a majority of us made. I realized that I was probably one of the biggest self-important, self loathing, pricks in all of Southern Maryland. Being in the city I realized that sometimes it was really nice to be the nameless face in the crowd. I liked buying a newspaper and sitting at a cafe while I read outside. I liked not being approached by people while i read and thought. Down here it seems that if one was to sit outside of a cafe and read the paper that the odds of being approached are substantially higher. I can assure you that I would never tell anyone to go away or leave me alone, as I have always been more welcoming than that, however I don't need to hear about the latest gossip. Random spoken gossip has been a detriment to several people I know, including myself. We have all spoken such words, and honestly I am ashamed to have been part of that.
Gossip by definition is idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others. Why would you or I deem it necessary to expose any ones demons, skeletons, or sexual affairs. It's funny that the further out of the city you go, the more prominent the affairs of others become. I am still curious as to the social benefit of the actual gossip itself. I am not saying that there is no gossip in the city. But what I am saying is that in an area that is considered dense in population versus an area that it completely rural. There is more unsubstantialized information passed in the rural area, at least per capita. There are roughly One million ppl that live in DC, Alexandria, and Arlington which means that with in fifteen miles you can touch well over a million people during the work week. During the week in St. Mary's and Calvert Counties in Maryland you could possibly touch Two Hundred Thousand, and please lets not forget that there are very few people within the fifteen mile radius. I suppose that in the city there is a bit more of a choice? Possibly...
In the less rural areas, there are obviously more people, which means you are able to gather culture based information that can be wonderful and stimulating. You have the ability to meet people from different backgrounds, life styles, and careers, while here there are less transients, and more folks that have been born and raised. Culture in the Southern Maryland Counties lack, and the acceptance of any new culture comes to a road block as soon as you are greeted with the welcoming committee. The welcoming committee of closed minded individuals that hate change or difference in opinion. In this lack of culture we are left to fend for ourselves. We are left to our own devices, and truthfully, with nothing to do either than Drink or Shop, the most frugal of decisions is to talk Gossip. We even have our own gossip Newspaper. The useless piece of printed fecal byproduct known as the Saint Mary's Today. Seriously whoever writes in that paper needs to shoot themselves. It is one of the worst written, worst edited, piece of crap I have ever read. I would rather read an article about the migration of snails than even attempt to open a page on that non-fact based Rag Mag. In a society where all of us should band together in an effort to help one another, they as well as multiple people in this community would rather make light of situations and families in despair. What good does that do?
I am not perfect, I have been arrested, done my time, and have been reformed. I do what I have to to get by, and have recently moved back in to this area in an attempt to move forward with my life. It's all somewhat funny though. As soon as I stroll back in to town, I am bombarded with stories about negative things that have happened to good people. Seriously?!?!?!? Why don't we see if they are capable of turning their lives around before we speaking about them. I refuse to persecute someone for the decisions that they have made. I just want to see that they can do better for themselves... Tell me that story... I don't need to hear that someone is a loser because they got hooked on a drug, or that they lost a job, or that they couldn't control themselves when they went out the other night. For all I know that person might be going through something that we couldn't even fathom, but yet someones always there to drive the stake deeper. Someone always want to make that persons business known. WHY??? I know, I have done it... I did it to divert my past and information on to someone else. Start talking about something that I have heard or otherwise, but truthfully... What right did I have. NONE!!! The same as you...
Seriously??? Seriously... If you like to talk about others misfortunes, do you realize that once what ever story has been said, gets back to that person, all you're doing is making them feel worse? What about if you made a mistake? Would you like all of the locals to know what happened, would you like the opportunity to tell the story yourself? There is no love in gossip or rumor. There is no love when people are left to their own devices with misinformation.
When it comes to personal lives down here, we need to remember to mind our own business. We need not spread third hand information. It's not out responsibility. It will cause others to be judgemental while not even knowing what the truth is. We don't need that in today's age. We are all struggling financially, we all have demons, and we all wish we could do a few things over... I don't need anyone telling me what I did wrong... I lived it, paid for it, and moved on... You don't need anyone bringing up anything from your past either... The only thing that matters is that we grow from the experiences that we have had in life...
I miss being a nameless face at times. I miss not having to know every ones family, I miss real politics. I hate the good ole' boy systems of the south. Nothing ever gets done. Kenny Dement has no reason to hold any office. He's an old, old man, with nothing more than a soft ball legacy, that only cares about old county and profiteering... Check me on that by the way... Its not a rumor, its truth. Look at his records. I did! I wish that there could be a real sociological study done down here. I wish that culture was more diverse here. I wish that we could be nameless faces from time to time.
I don't hate it here, I can be honest about that, but I don't have to like the way things are run nor do I have to like the gossip network that goes on. I think it's all a petty attempt to divert focus and make one feel better about them self. Let's start being real. Let's start confronting issues like adults, and lets be real with one another. Anything less than real is fake, and honestly is that what you are??? A Fake?!?! I hope not... I'm not any more, but I am man enough to say that I was at one time.
I hope this finds all of you well... God Bless, and be kind to each other... Ill be kind to you!!!
Today is a day of rebirth for so many. I think about this from time to time to realize that I'm not so important after all. I can sit back, look at face book, play a bit of poker online, or sit here with my girlfriend, and though these things are important to me, I realize that not all things are really that significant. Please don't get me wrong, Its not that I don't feel that things are significant, Its really just there is so many things going on in this world that we just don't consider daily.
When I was living in the city, I realized a lot of things about the area that I now call home. I thought about the drama, the back stabbing, the non-information based decisions that a majority of us made. I realized that I was probably one of the biggest self-important, self loathing, pricks in all of Southern Maryland. Being in the city I realized that sometimes it was really nice to be the nameless face in the crowd. I liked buying a newspaper and sitting at a cafe while I read outside. I liked not being approached by people while i read and thought. Down here it seems that if one was to sit outside of a cafe and read the paper that the odds of being approached are substantially higher. I can assure you that I would never tell anyone to go away or leave me alone, as I have always been more welcoming than that, however I don't need to hear about the latest gossip. Random spoken gossip has been a detriment to several people I know, including myself. We have all spoken such words, and honestly I am ashamed to have been part of that.
Gossip by definition is idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others. Why would you or I deem it necessary to expose any ones demons, skeletons, or sexual affairs. It's funny that the further out of the city you go, the more prominent the affairs of others become. I am still curious as to the social benefit of the actual gossip itself. I am not saying that there is no gossip in the city. But what I am saying is that in an area that is considered dense in population versus an area that it completely rural. There is more unsubstantialized information passed in the rural area, at least per capita. There are roughly One million ppl that live in DC, Alexandria, and Arlington which means that with in fifteen miles you can touch well over a million people during the work week. During the week in St. Mary's and Calvert Counties in Maryland you could possibly touch Two Hundred Thousand, and please lets not forget that there are very few people within the fifteen mile radius. I suppose that in the city there is a bit more of a choice? Possibly...
In the less rural areas, there are obviously more people, which means you are able to gather culture based information that can be wonderful and stimulating. You have the ability to meet people from different backgrounds, life styles, and careers, while here there are less transients, and more folks that have been born and raised. Culture in the Southern Maryland Counties lack, and the acceptance of any new culture comes to a road block as soon as you are greeted with the welcoming committee. The welcoming committee of closed minded individuals that hate change or difference in opinion. In this lack of culture we are left to fend for ourselves. We are left to our own devices, and truthfully, with nothing to do either than Drink or Shop, the most frugal of decisions is to talk Gossip. We even have our own gossip Newspaper. The useless piece of printed fecal byproduct known as the Saint Mary's Today. Seriously whoever writes in that paper needs to shoot themselves. It is one of the worst written, worst edited, piece of crap I have ever read. I would rather read an article about the migration of snails than even attempt to open a page on that non-fact based Rag Mag. In a society where all of us should band together in an effort to help one another, they as well as multiple people in this community would rather make light of situations and families in despair. What good does that do?
I am not perfect, I have been arrested, done my time, and have been reformed. I do what I have to to get by, and have recently moved back in to this area in an attempt to move forward with my life. It's all somewhat funny though. As soon as I stroll back in to town, I am bombarded with stories about negative things that have happened to good people. Seriously?!?!?!? Why don't we see if they are capable of turning their lives around before we speaking about them. I refuse to persecute someone for the decisions that they have made. I just want to see that they can do better for themselves... Tell me that story... I don't need to hear that someone is a loser because they got hooked on a drug, or that they lost a job, or that they couldn't control themselves when they went out the other night. For all I know that person might be going through something that we couldn't even fathom, but yet someones always there to drive the stake deeper. Someone always want to make that persons business known. WHY??? I know, I have done it... I did it to divert my past and information on to someone else. Start talking about something that I have heard or otherwise, but truthfully... What right did I have. NONE!!! The same as you...
Seriously??? Seriously... If you like to talk about others misfortunes, do you realize that once what ever story has been said, gets back to that person, all you're doing is making them feel worse? What about if you made a mistake? Would you like all of the locals to know what happened, would you like the opportunity to tell the story yourself? There is no love in gossip or rumor. There is no love when people are left to their own devices with misinformation.
When it comes to personal lives down here, we need to remember to mind our own business. We need not spread third hand information. It's not out responsibility. It will cause others to be judgemental while not even knowing what the truth is. We don't need that in today's age. We are all struggling financially, we all have demons, and we all wish we could do a few things over... I don't need anyone telling me what I did wrong... I lived it, paid for it, and moved on... You don't need anyone bringing up anything from your past either... The only thing that matters is that we grow from the experiences that we have had in life...
I miss being a nameless face at times. I miss not having to know every ones family, I miss real politics. I hate the good ole' boy systems of the south. Nothing ever gets done. Kenny Dement has no reason to hold any office. He's an old, old man, with nothing more than a soft ball legacy, that only cares about old county and profiteering... Check me on that by the way... Its not a rumor, its truth. Look at his records. I did! I wish that there could be a real sociological study done down here. I wish that culture was more diverse here. I wish that we could be nameless faces from time to time.
I don't hate it here, I can be honest about that, but I don't have to like the way things are run nor do I have to like the gossip network that goes on. I think it's all a petty attempt to divert focus and make one feel better about them self. Let's start being real. Let's start confronting issues like adults, and lets be real with one another. Anything less than real is fake, and honestly is that what you are??? A Fake?!?! I hope not... I'm not any more, but I am man enough to say that I was at one time.
I hope this finds all of you well... God Bless, and be kind to each other... Ill be kind to you!!!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Food for Thought...Vol VIII
Have You Seen Matt Mullaney?
This is an amazing case of love, heartache, and inspiration.... I didn't write it expecting anyone that I know to come forward with information, though if you do??? Please let me or the authorities know. Enjoy the read... BL
Matt was born in 1981 and comes from Patriots Territory, New England, he was enrolled in a modest college in Connecticut and has a very loving family. According to his family, Matt was a very skilled still artist and has a deep love for performance art as well. He is noted as being a kind, loving, son and brother, as well as liked by many of his peers.
After two years in college, Matt with the help of his parents, decided to take a semester abroad to take his art a bit more seriously. In January of 2003 he left his home and took a long flight to Florence, Italy to attend the Angel Academy of Art. There he was to study with the greats. To even be accepted in a program at Angel Academy is an honor.
While in Florence this young man struggled a bit, as he was quoted saying that "There is always a lot of criticism, but never any praise." He knew that even though he was fighting with such criticism, that all would not be lost... He was learning more there than anywhere he had been previously, and understood that he wasn't there to have an easy ride. The program was meant to challenge him as an artist, not gain him praise from his instructors.
On the evening of January 31st, 2003, Matt went out for a few beers at the Lions Fountain Irish Pub, where he would frequently see other American students and relate to them. Its always nice to have a familiar voice...
According to the staff, his behavior was normal and he was chatting with other students in the bar while there. At 2:30am he left – the staff not sure if he was alone or had connected with others outside the pub. That was the last anyone has seen or heard from Matt.
There have been sightings of Matt throughout Florence, Amsterdam, and Ireland as late as 2004, and his family has a strong belief that he is still alive. Matt did have his wallet, his ID, his credit cards, though he had left his passport behind in his apartment. Matt's family, has been back and forth to Europe almost a dozen times over the years to assist in the search for they're child, and have always stayed in constant contact with the authorities even to this day.
His family feels as if he had let time slip away from him while on a slight trip to Amsterdam with friends. It had been a trip that he had been looking for for quite a while, and he knew that he needed it. They feel that in this time slip, that he had lost his school eligibility, and now he might be a bit too embarrassed or ashamed to reconnect with them. Whatever the case for the slip, the family doesn't much care... They just want to know that their son is alive and well. They love him unconditionally as all families should. They want to welcome him back with open arms, and to tell him that all is forgiven for whatever may have occurred, and most importantly they want him to know that his place in the family belongs only to him and there there is no fill for it... He is the individual, their son and brother, their artist, their heart.
As far as the circumstances behind Matt Mullaney's disappearance, I know that there can be no certainties, but the fact that there is so much hope within the family is amazing. Though there is an immeasurable loss in this story, there is a lot of admiration that can be given to the family for the way that they have continued to pull together and maintain such faith in the ability of their child.
Personally I understand the feeling that Matt may have had if he had opted to leave on his own. I have often times through the years just wanted to get away, leave the world behind as I knew it and start fresh. I have been the son, brother, and family member that has disappointed those closest to me. Sometimes the feelings of hopelessness and despair have overcome any amount of positivity that I have had in my life. I think that we have all felt that way at times.
I have a lot of empathy for the pains and tribulations of this young man, and a lot of sympathy for his family and friends. I personally have a feeling of loss for all that are involved. There are families throughout this world that face things like this daily at this time I'd like to wish them all the best and let them know that today, there is another person praying for them. I want to ask all that read this the same. Have empathy for the man with fear, and sympathy for those that have to live in the wake of his absence.
All that being said, I wish you all a wonderful day, and be kind to each other... Try to live in the moment with those closest to you and show your loved ones how much you truly love them... Be unconditional with those that bring you joy, as you can see in this situation, and many like it... There may never be a tomorrow.
Until next time, I hope you enjoyed this bit of Food for Thought...
This is an amazing case of love, heartache, and inspiration.... I didn't write it expecting anyone that I know to come forward with information, though if you do??? Please let me or the authorities know. Enjoy the read... BL
Matt was born in 1981 and comes from Patriots Territory, New England, he was enrolled in a modest college in Connecticut and has a very loving family. According to his family, Matt was a very skilled still artist and has a deep love for performance art as well. He is noted as being a kind, loving, son and brother, as well as liked by many of his peers.
After two years in college, Matt with the help of his parents, decided to take a semester abroad to take his art a bit more seriously. In January of 2003 he left his home and took a long flight to Florence, Italy to attend the Angel Academy of Art. There he was to study with the greats. To even be accepted in a program at Angel Academy is an honor.
While in Florence this young man struggled a bit, as he was quoted saying that "There is always a lot of criticism, but never any praise." He knew that even though he was fighting with such criticism, that all would not be lost... He was learning more there than anywhere he had been previously, and understood that he wasn't there to have an easy ride. The program was meant to challenge him as an artist, not gain him praise from his instructors.
On the evening of January 31st, 2003, Matt went out for a few beers at the Lions Fountain Irish Pub, where he would frequently see other American students and relate to them. Its always nice to have a familiar voice...
According to the staff, his behavior was normal and he was chatting with other students in the bar while there. At 2:30am he left – the staff not sure if he was alone or had connected with others outside the pub. That was the last anyone has seen or heard from Matt.
There have been sightings of Matt throughout Florence, Amsterdam, and Ireland as late as 2004, and his family has a strong belief that he is still alive. Matt did have his wallet, his ID, his credit cards, though he had left his passport behind in his apartment. Matt's family, has been back and forth to Europe almost a dozen times over the years to assist in the search for they're child, and have always stayed in constant contact with the authorities even to this day.
His family feels as if he had let time slip away from him while on a slight trip to Amsterdam with friends. It had been a trip that he had been looking for for quite a while, and he knew that he needed it. They feel that in this time slip, that he had lost his school eligibility, and now he might be a bit too embarrassed or ashamed to reconnect with them. Whatever the case for the slip, the family doesn't much care... They just want to know that their son is alive and well. They love him unconditionally as all families should. They want to welcome him back with open arms, and to tell him that all is forgiven for whatever may have occurred, and most importantly they want him to know that his place in the family belongs only to him and there there is no fill for it... He is the individual, their son and brother, their artist, their heart.
As far as the circumstances behind Matt Mullaney's disappearance, I know that there can be no certainties, but the fact that there is so much hope within the family is amazing. Though there is an immeasurable loss in this story, there is a lot of admiration that can be given to the family for the way that they have continued to pull together and maintain such faith in the ability of their child.
Personally I understand the feeling that Matt may have had if he had opted to leave on his own. I have often times through the years just wanted to get away, leave the world behind as I knew it and start fresh. I have been the son, brother, and family member that has disappointed those closest to me. Sometimes the feelings of hopelessness and despair have overcome any amount of positivity that I have had in my life. I think that we have all felt that way at times.
I have a lot of empathy for the pains and tribulations of this young man, and a lot of sympathy for his family and friends. I personally have a feeling of loss for all that are involved. There are families throughout this world that face things like this daily at this time I'd like to wish them all the best and let them know that today, there is another person praying for them. I want to ask all that read this the same. Have empathy for the man with fear, and sympathy for those that have to live in the wake of his absence.
All that being said, I wish you all a wonderful day, and be kind to each other... Try to live in the moment with those closest to you and show your loved ones how much you truly love them... Be unconditional with those that bring you joy, as you can see in this situation, and many like it... There may never be a tomorrow.
Until next time, I hope you enjoyed this bit of Food for Thought...
Monday, August 10, 2009
Food for Thought... Vol VII
There is no real purpose for this other than truth and reason. Reason is the gift that God has given us to have the opportunity to move forward in life with an attempt to have no passing regret. Truth is what we search for in every passed word or phrase that has the ability to affect us in ways immeasurable.
The reason why I chose to write about this today is because of events that have passed recently, that have been deemed insignificant to some but not for all. I know the single mother, I know the single father, I know the family that is happy, and sad at the same time. All I want from all is truth.
We move so fast and drown so quick in the same breath if we don't take the time to be us. I know this makes no sense right now, but I can assure that it will.
Picture your life 5 years from now. Where do you want to be... Do you want to be the immortal person that you have been for the previous 5 years or do you want to make a mark in time? When I say make your mark in time, i don't mean by becoming president, or governor. I mean by becoming better than you thought you could ever be. You as a reader have already taken the initiative to step past the boundaries of what is inside the box. You have accepted the fact that there is more to life than face book and myspace. You have decided to move past the boundaries of what is contently expected of you. I don't care if you re 18 or 80, you've moved past what is expected.
I write for the pure joy of writing, what is your joy? When is the last time you've even asked yourself that question. Years ago, and I do mean years, I asked my uncle why he made jewelry. I asked him if he made a lot of money, I asked him if he was rich, I asked him if the women loved it, and honestly.... he had no answer other than the truth. He just loved making jewelry. He gave away more than he sold... I know this as I have my mom wear many pieces from him, I've seen my aunt do the same, and truthfully, I don't ever remember him making a piece for profit. Some took it for granted while others were beyond appreciative... That particular uncle has long since passed and with the jewelry he has made, people still smile... He is a martyr of his craft. The same type of martyr I hope to be someday. I want to be remembered not for what I've done, but for the impact i may have had the few people that I've touched in life. I hope the same for all of you.
I have learned over the years that people don't care enough for each other. I'm not speaking in the sexual sense, but in the sociological sense. I honestly care what happens to my closest friends. Erin, Mark, Ashleigh, Will, Heather, etc.... I care for them as if they were family... Some are moving, others are single parents, and others are just the only people i trust to bear the burdens of my soul... I want one day to say that there is a chance that i might have had an impact on their lives. I'm not saying that i want to be known as a martyr to them, just as someone that could be trusted, someone that could be felt, someone that could be just as understood as I understand them. These are the people that I care for, and there are many more. Jenn, Showalter, Mom, Mike, Cameron, My Little Bro.... These are the people that I care for... These are the people that I want to succeed in life... Much like all of you... I want all that read this to be happy and successful... I want you all to be martyrs to someone... Honestly, if someone took the time to look out for you... look out for someone else... Make a connection that you never thought that you could. Accept all for who they are and be positive about that. Know that it's OK to be let down once in awhile... Tomorrows a new day, and you will win eventually... we always do.
Today is your day... Those that read... Seriously... Be someone to some body... Be that mentor that you never had.... be that gleam in someones eye... Allow yourself to crush on that girl or guy that you've always wanted... Honestly... They are probably looking for you also... Most importantly be you... The real you, not the asshole that your expected to be... Be the caring, loving, soul that God made you to be... Be my friend... I'm already yours!!!!!!!
Good day all, and seriously... Make this day yours, we will all love you for it... Help us help everyone, and life will be easier for us all!
The reason why I chose to write about this today is because of events that have passed recently, that have been deemed insignificant to some but not for all. I know the single mother, I know the single father, I know the family that is happy, and sad at the same time. All I want from all is truth.
We move so fast and drown so quick in the same breath if we don't take the time to be us. I know this makes no sense right now, but I can assure that it will.
Picture your life 5 years from now. Where do you want to be... Do you want to be the immortal person that you have been for the previous 5 years or do you want to make a mark in time? When I say make your mark in time, i don't mean by becoming president, or governor. I mean by becoming better than you thought you could ever be. You as a reader have already taken the initiative to step past the boundaries of what is inside the box. You have accepted the fact that there is more to life than face book and myspace. You have decided to move past the boundaries of what is contently expected of you. I don't care if you re 18 or 80, you've moved past what is expected.
I write for the pure joy of writing, what is your joy? When is the last time you've even asked yourself that question. Years ago, and I do mean years, I asked my uncle why he made jewelry. I asked him if he made a lot of money, I asked him if he was rich, I asked him if the women loved it, and honestly.... he had no answer other than the truth. He just loved making jewelry. He gave away more than he sold... I know this as I have my mom wear many pieces from him, I've seen my aunt do the same, and truthfully, I don't ever remember him making a piece for profit. Some took it for granted while others were beyond appreciative... That particular uncle has long since passed and with the jewelry he has made, people still smile... He is a martyr of his craft. The same type of martyr I hope to be someday. I want to be remembered not for what I've done, but for the impact i may have had the few people that I've touched in life. I hope the same for all of you.
I have learned over the years that people don't care enough for each other. I'm not speaking in the sexual sense, but in the sociological sense. I honestly care what happens to my closest friends. Erin, Mark, Ashleigh, Will, Heather, etc.... I care for them as if they were family... Some are moving, others are single parents, and others are just the only people i trust to bear the burdens of my soul... I want one day to say that there is a chance that i might have had an impact on their lives. I'm not saying that i want to be known as a martyr to them, just as someone that could be trusted, someone that could be felt, someone that could be just as understood as I understand them. These are the people that I care for, and there are many more. Jenn, Showalter, Mom, Mike, Cameron, My Little Bro.... These are the people that I care for... These are the people that I want to succeed in life... Much like all of you... I want all that read this to be happy and successful... I want you all to be martyrs to someone... Honestly, if someone took the time to look out for you... look out for someone else... Make a connection that you never thought that you could. Accept all for who they are and be positive about that. Know that it's OK to be let down once in awhile... Tomorrows a new day, and you will win eventually... we always do.
Today is your day... Those that read... Seriously... Be someone to some body... Be that mentor that you never had.... be that gleam in someones eye... Allow yourself to crush on that girl or guy that you've always wanted... Honestly... They are probably looking for you also... Most importantly be you... The real you, not the asshole that your expected to be... Be the caring, loving, soul that God made you to be... Be my friend... I'm already yours!!!!!!!
Good day all, and seriously... Make this day yours, we will all love you for it... Help us help everyone, and life will be easier for us all!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Food For Thought... vol V
What is it about the demise of a non existent friendship that makes us uncomfortable yet at ease. I'm not saying that it is the actual demise of the friendship is what makes me uncomfortable, it's more the backlash of what is yet to come. The actual ease comes from the ability to wipe your hands clean of the drama that ensues from the instant that person walks in the door.
Picture Friday... A somewhat cloudy day with imminent storms in the near future, cooler temperatures than normal, a pleasing comfort from being in a city that I have grown to love, and having the ability to introduce dear friends to my girlfriend. There was an anxiousness that I hadn't felt in sometime, and a few introspective moments of pride as the anticipation of friends past and present are introduced over a pool table and good music. Quite an interesting affair, and more fun than I have had in quite some time.
It's always amazing when you pull people from different backgrounds, different belief structures, and different cultures together put them in a barroom environment, and let loose on a relaxing adventure in debauchery and lessened moral structure. Combine that with newness and lack of familiarity and we have an evening that can be foreseen as interesting, informative, and of course dramatic.
Fade in, 4pm, a smokey bar room in Old Town Alexandria. In the background the song Piano Man, can be heard from the jukebox that we stood next to. The clanking of billiard balls directly behind us set the mood and desire for some competitiveness amongst friends. All is well for the most part. I sense a bit of discomfort from by best of friends but all seems OK for the most part. Him and I discuss a few things and I realize that he is a bit on edge. He is not upset or angry, just a little on edge. I was a bit concerned, as he assure me that he would be fine, so we carried on and continued to have a great time.
My girlfriend was enjoying the opportunity to meet new people and and see what it was like to hang out in an area that she previously never ventured before. Her an I chatted about the local area, and about who I knew and what else there was to do. We were relaxing, and laughing. We picked up a few inside jokes, and we continued getting to know each other a bit more. Even when you are with someone intimately for an infinite amount of time, there is always something new to learn about your significant other. Even in fifty years I hope to still be learning about my partner. Regardless of any outside concern it was a group of friends having a good time. Very, very, enjoyable!
Over the hours we started to get calls from a few others. Additional people are always welcome when there is a good time to be had. We all feel as such. I know that those that read this are the same as I. When I am out and about I like to be social. Social settings breed socialites. My friends and I are just that. We are not rich, we are not the most proper of people, and the dive up the street is good enough for us, however we are classified as socialites, and we're good at it! There have been some very random events that have occurred over the times that we have been friends, most of which have been wonderful experiences that have resulted in many stories to tell. Mostly positive, and hilarious. These are the times that you will talk about for ever, they are the experiences that you hold onto and tell you children about when they are old enough to make the decisions as to right and wrong. They are the stories that are timeless, and wonderful, and what will fuel your cravings for adventure for years to come. This night was to be another adventure and the people involved were to have another night of fond memories.
So as a few of the people came along to catch up on lost time, everything was going wonderfully. We were laughing and acting the fool. We decided to wrap up the afternoon, and head out to another local establishment still early enough to walk around and enjoy the weather as the rain had passed and the sun was shining brightly. The walk to the next place was about 7 blocks away, and a hilarious walk it was. I don't think that there could've been one thing that could've ruined this day. For some reason when we are all together, it's like we're in college. Nothing is serious. We look for and find comedy in everything we see, and if we don't see it at that time then we create comedy around us. We turn everything in to a joke when were together.
As we all started to spill in to the next watering hole, various tabs were started and everyone started to settle a bit, though after about 20 or 30 mins I noticed one member of the circle was continuing to get a bit peeved. As such I confronted him and found out that, one of the newer members of the group was putting everything that he was getting on to his tab.
BACK STORY!!! This new member of out tight knit circle, has a habit of not paying for what he is responsible for. I know this because several weeks prior the same had happened to me. This gentleman takes pride in the fact that he can handle his own, his children, and the rest of his family, though when opportunity allows, he generally will take advantage of whoever is around him. I have noticed this on several occasions, not just with me, but with other friends that have had the same experiences. If it wasn't him throwing food and drinks on someones bill, its taking advantage of 4:30 am car rides, when alcohol was very prevalent the night before. My friends are very loyal to each other, and under normal circumstances all would be cool. However, when the person that is supposed to drive had been drinking til 3:30am and is supposed to drive you home at 4:30am it would be nice to have a heads up so one doesn't run the risk of a DUI. Preparation and responsibility is always smiled upon in our circle, but when one puts in jeopardy another of the circles well being, no smiles can be found.
That being said, I can continue with the events that are about to occur.
As stated before I notice my friend becoming more and more irritated, so I asked him outside so that I can speak with him. More than anything I just want smiles at the table, and everyone to get a long as we were before. Right after we walked outside and began chatting, the offender walked out, and there was a small confrontation as to the abuse of the friendship, and the offender got angry. He was drunk, obviously guilty, and wanted to shift everything aside and act like an asshole instead. As this transition began to occur, I had to step in the middle of the situation in an attempt to diffuse the situation before it moved forward with negative consequences. During the focus shift from my friend to myself, the offender wanted to act an ass to me. My friend walked away, and that pissed off the offender. He attempted to follow my friend in to an ally and in turn, I grabbed his arm. I allowed him to move forward in the direction of the alley but once we reached there he just wanted a confrontation again. I continued to hold the gentleman and at that point he looked as if he was going to swing on me. In an instant I took him to the ground in a non threatening manner, and cross faced him to insure that he could not move or gain control of the situation. After a few moments my friend placed his knee on the offenders chest and allowed me to get up. I wanted the entire situation to be squashed, and I found that there was no settling this gentleman down. He was very intent on taking care of both my friend and I. He felt so sure that he needed to settle this with violence that he called some of his other friends to meet up there and have both my friend and I taken care of.
I don't feel the need to go any further other than to say that nothing ever happened as far as the offenders "boys" never showed up. Not that they needed to, there was no reason for it. This is just a case of someone getting called out for wrongdoing, and his immature reaction to such in a very immature, negative manner.
I suppose the reason i felt compelled to write about this, is because I know that we have all encountered such affairs. The offender in this situation is obviously not a friend. He is a poor excuse for an adult that claims to be a man because of his children, and family. In all reality he is a selfish man that is only concerned for himself and has no real direction in his life. I feel empathy for this man. I wish nothing but happiness and joy for him, while at the same time realizing that he was never really a friend in the first place. He needs to find his way in life, and he needs to know that no matter the situation, friends can be there for you, but that in a true friendship all actions must be reciprocated. With out reciprocation there can be no full circled friendship. I'm not saying that I haven't taken advantage of certain circumstances at times... We all have, but as for now, I know that if you really want to move forward in life, you have to be real with the people around you. I am real with my closest friends. Those are the people that I can count on when I need to be picked up from a bad day, they are the people that I call when something wonderful happens, they are an extension of my family, and will know more about me than anyone else in this world. I cherish the friendships that I have and will always appreciate those bonds that I have made.
I wish the same for all of you. I pray that the friendships that you have are real, I pray that the bonds that you have made over the years are true and real, if not don't waste your time in letting them know what the difference between a friend an an acquaintance are. After all its your friends that will carry you through all the times in you life... Good and bad... For me, I now know the difference and am happy that I now know the definition of a nonexistent friendship, and I'm happy that it's over... Dead weight is just that!!! DEAD WEIGHT!!!
I hope that all of you find solace with your friends, and I can promise, I will always do the same!!! Be well everyone...
Picture Friday... A somewhat cloudy day with imminent storms in the near future, cooler temperatures than normal, a pleasing comfort from being in a city that I have grown to love, and having the ability to introduce dear friends to my girlfriend. There was an anxiousness that I hadn't felt in sometime, and a few introspective moments of pride as the anticipation of friends past and present are introduced over a pool table and good music. Quite an interesting affair, and more fun than I have had in quite some time.
It's always amazing when you pull people from different backgrounds, different belief structures, and different cultures together put them in a barroom environment, and let loose on a relaxing adventure in debauchery and lessened moral structure. Combine that with newness and lack of familiarity and we have an evening that can be foreseen as interesting, informative, and of course dramatic.
Fade in, 4pm, a smokey bar room in Old Town Alexandria. In the background the song Piano Man, can be heard from the jukebox that we stood next to. The clanking of billiard balls directly behind us set the mood and desire for some competitiveness amongst friends. All is well for the most part. I sense a bit of discomfort from by best of friends but all seems OK for the most part. Him and I discuss a few things and I realize that he is a bit on edge. He is not upset or angry, just a little on edge. I was a bit concerned, as he assure me that he would be fine, so we carried on and continued to have a great time.
My girlfriend was enjoying the opportunity to meet new people and and see what it was like to hang out in an area that she previously never ventured before. Her an I chatted about the local area, and about who I knew and what else there was to do. We were relaxing, and laughing. We picked up a few inside jokes, and we continued getting to know each other a bit more. Even when you are with someone intimately for an infinite amount of time, there is always something new to learn about your significant other. Even in fifty years I hope to still be learning about my partner. Regardless of any outside concern it was a group of friends having a good time. Very, very, enjoyable!
Over the hours we started to get calls from a few others. Additional people are always welcome when there is a good time to be had. We all feel as such. I know that those that read this are the same as I. When I am out and about I like to be social. Social settings breed socialites. My friends and I are just that. We are not rich, we are not the most proper of people, and the dive up the street is good enough for us, however we are classified as socialites, and we're good at it! There have been some very random events that have occurred over the times that we have been friends, most of which have been wonderful experiences that have resulted in many stories to tell. Mostly positive, and hilarious. These are the times that you will talk about for ever, they are the experiences that you hold onto and tell you children about when they are old enough to make the decisions as to right and wrong. They are the stories that are timeless, and wonderful, and what will fuel your cravings for adventure for years to come. This night was to be another adventure and the people involved were to have another night of fond memories.
So as a few of the people came along to catch up on lost time, everything was going wonderfully. We were laughing and acting the fool. We decided to wrap up the afternoon, and head out to another local establishment still early enough to walk around and enjoy the weather as the rain had passed and the sun was shining brightly. The walk to the next place was about 7 blocks away, and a hilarious walk it was. I don't think that there could've been one thing that could've ruined this day. For some reason when we are all together, it's like we're in college. Nothing is serious. We look for and find comedy in everything we see, and if we don't see it at that time then we create comedy around us. We turn everything in to a joke when were together.
As we all started to spill in to the next watering hole, various tabs were started and everyone started to settle a bit, though after about 20 or 30 mins I noticed one member of the circle was continuing to get a bit peeved. As such I confronted him and found out that, one of the newer members of the group was putting everything that he was getting on to his tab.
BACK STORY!!! This new member of out tight knit circle, has a habit of not paying for what he is responsible for. I know this because several weeks prior the same had happened to me. This gentleman takes pride in the fact that he can handle his own, his children, and the rest of his family, though when opportunity allows, he generally will take advantage of whoever is around him. I have noticed this on several occasions, not just with me, but with other friends that have had the same experiences. If it wasn't him throwing food and drinks on someones bill, its taking advantage of 4:30 am car rides, when alcohol was very prevalent the night before. My friends are very loyal to each other, and under normal circumstances all would be cool. However, when the person that is supposed to drive had been drinking til 3:30am and is supposed to drive you home at 4:30am it would be nice to have a heads up so one doesn't run the risk of a DUI. Preparation and responsibility is always smiled upon in our circle, but when one puts in jeopardy another of the circles well being, no smiles can be found.
That being said, I can continue with the events that are about to occur.
As stated before I notice my friend becoming more and more irritated, so I asked him outside so that I can speak with him. More than anything I just want smiles at the table, and everyone to get a long as we were before. Right after we walked outside and began chatting, the offender walked out, and there was a small confrontation as to the abuse of the friendship, and the offender got angry. He was drunk, obviously guilty, and wanted to shift everything aside and act like an asshole instead. As this transition began to occur, I had to step in the middle of the situation in an attempt to diffuse the situation before it moved forward with negative consequences. During the focus shift from my friend to myself, the offender wanted to act an ass to me. My friend walked away, and that pissed off the offender. He attempted to follow my friend in to an ally and in turn, I grabbed his arm. I allowed him to move forward in the direction of the alley but once we reached there he just wanted a confrontation again. I continued to hold the gentleman and at that point he looked as if he was going to swing on me. In an instant I took him to the ground in a non threatening manner, and cross faced him to insure that he could not move or gain control of the situation. After a few moments my friend placed his knee on the offenders chest and allowed me to get up. I wanted the entire situation to be squashed, and I found that there was no settling this gentleman down. He was very intent on taking care of both my friend and I. He felt so sure that he needed to settle this with violence that he called some of his other friends to meet up there and have both my friend and I taken care of.
I don't feel the need to go any further other than to say that nothing ever happened as far as the offenders "boys" never showed up. Not that they needed to, there was no reason for it. This is just a case of someone getting called out for wrongdoing, and his immature reaction to such in a very immature, negative manner.
I suppose the reason i felt compelled to write about this, is because I know that we have all encountered such affairs. The offender in this situation is obviously not a friend. He is a poor excuse for an adult that claims to be a man because of his children, and family. In all reality he is a selfish man that is only concerned for himself and has no real direction in his life. I feel empathy for this man. I wish nothing but happiness and joy for him, while at the same time realizing that he was never really a friend in the first place. He needs to find his way in life, and he needs to know that no matter the situation, friends can be there for you, but that in a true friendship all actions must be reciprocated. With out reciprocation there can be no full circled friendship. I'm not saying that I haven't taken advantage of certain circumstances at times... We all have, but as for now, I know that if you really want to move forward in life, you have to be real with the people around you. I am real with my closest friends. Those are the people that I can count on when I need to be picked up from a bad day, they are the people that I call when something wonderful happens, they are an extension of my family, and will know more about me than anyone else in this world. I cherish the friendships that I have and will always appreciate those bonds that I have made.
I wish the same for all of you. I pray that the friendships that you have are real, I pray that the bonds that you have made over the years are true and real, if not don't waste your time in letting them know what the difference between a friend an an acquaintance are. After all its your friends that will carry you through all the times in you life... Good and bad... For me, I now know the difference and am happy that I now know the definition of a nonexistent friendship, and I'm happy that it's over... Dead weight is just that!!! DEAD WEIGHT!!!
I hope that all of you find solace with your friends, and I can promise, I will always do the same!!! Be well everyone...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Food For Thought... vol IV
I often times get asked what it is that propels me to write. I suppose people might be looking for my Muse of sorts. Truthfully I dont necessarily have a particular Muse. I use my experiences in life and my personal journeys to explain what I need and attempt to transcribe such things in a manner that are understandable to the masses. Sometimes it is hard but, I know that there is someone out there that might get benefit from reading. Im not trying to say that Im Gods gift to the written world, and I never will, but I can say that Im a guy thats not affraid to feel and today I feel as if words work better when they inspire action.
We as people need to consider eachother more, we need to feel inspired through the negative actions of others and attempt to turn those negative actions in to positive results.
It is quite obvious that the state of the nation is in dissaray. Our unemployment rate is skyrocketing, the realestate market is in the toilet, the economy is worsening by the day, and the national confidence is way down. If you ask the government, they will tell you that all of this is alost over, but in truth I cant see it. I might be tainted by the liberal media, but honestly, I also read the reports, watch the DOW, and recognize my parents retirement funds are worth what the were over 15 years ago. I think its fair to assume that nothing is getting better at this point, and I should just learn to deal with it.
I have actually learned through these tough times that there is something wonderful out there though. I have stopped obsessing over everything. Ive stopped obsessing over money, material items, status, and percieved notoriety. I have taken this opportunity to learn about others, to learn about the little things in life that really make us who we are. I have taken the time to appreciate people for who they are. I have learned that a little bit of your time can go a long way with a complete stranger, as the small things you may do for them will be returned to you three fold at a later time. You may even find a friend. A good friend, someone that you can count on and talk to.
For the past several months I have been doing many things that require just a small bit of time to make someone smile. On a lazy afternoon, you can sometimes find me playing my guitar and singing on the DC Mall. I always have a great time, and it seems the the kids walking through are the biggest fans. I have no problem passing my strings over if someone else wants to play and I always love to hear the young children singing along. Sometimes they drop a little change, and sometimes they dont, but thats not really the reason that I do it. I go out and play to watch, learn, and take home with me one of the greatest feelings in the world. I feel for those moments I helped bring a smile to someones face, and in return they do the same for me.
Another of those feelings come from working, when time allows, in a local soup kitchen in South East. Truthfully I have met some of the nicest people there. Quite a few have held white collar jobs and are finding out the hardest possible way that there are no jobs available for them. It saddens me when I see someone that used to be full of life and vigor, and now can barely look someone in the eye because of their shame. If you ever want to see unity, walk in to a soup kitchen in the mid afternoon. People helping eachother and actually caring for one another. It is one of the most inspiring feelings in my life. I have learned much from these people, and will carry lessons from them for as long as I will remember. There may be a time when I find myself having to be a client of such a place, and in that i will be greatful for its existance. Not to mention the non-judgemental personalities that welcome you in and actually care about you and your wellbeing.
All this being said please know that it is in no way an attempt to toot my own horn, but more of an example of what I use as a muse. So i suppose it was quite a detailed answer as to why I write what I do. I like to experience life from all aspects and the only way to do that is to actually get out and live. We take a look at those that may be down on their luck, and need a little bit of compassion. Far too many times in our lives we bypass all that may affect us in an attempt to live a perfect little life with no inclusion. (That is of course unless you live in Southern Maryland where drama seems to be all inclusive... lol) I just know that if I was down on my luck it would be nice to have someone say something encouraging, toss me a quater, or hand me a cheeseburger. I also know the feeling that one gets when you have the opportunity to do that and that little action brings in to perspective what life is really about.
Life to me is about loving, living, and feeling, about having hope and giving hope. Life is about attempting to make the world a better place in whatever capacity you can. Life is about knowing that there are people that care for you and may not even know you. Life is about Humanity!
My muse is life and the simple actions that make life better for all, its the people that I saw in court a few days ago, its being with my girlfriend, its all of you. So in short... Thank you all for being my muse and giving me a reason to write.
Be good to eachother, and learn to let go of the negatives in life. Make your life better by helping those that need it, and show compassion, its a gift that will be returned to you one day!
Peace to you all, thank you for reading!
We as people need to consider eachother more, we need to feel inspired through the negative actions of others and attempt to turn those negative actions in to positive results.
It is quite obvious that the state of the nation is in dissaray. Our unemployment rate is skyrocketing, the realestate market is in the toilet, the economy is worsening by the day, and the national confidence is way down. If you ask the government, they will tell you that all of this is alost over, but in truth I cant see it. I might be tainted by the liberal media, but honestly, I also read the reports, watch the DOW, and recognize my parents retirement funds are worth what the were over 15 years ago. I think its fair to assume that nothing is getting better at this point, and I should just learn to deal with it.
I have actually learned through these tough times that there is something wonderful out there though. I have stopped obsessing over everything. Ive stopped obsessing over money, material items, status, and percieved notoriety. I have taken this opportunity to learn about others, to learn about the little things in life that really make us who we are. I have taken the time to appreciate people for who they are. I have learned that a little bit of your time can go a long way with a complete stranger, as the small things you may do for them will be returned to you three fold at a later time. You may even find a friend. A good friend, someone that you can count on and talk to.
For the past several months I have been doing many things that require just a small bit of time to make someone smile. On a lazy afternoon, you can sometimes find me playing my guitar and singing on the DC Mall. I always have a great time, and it seems the the kids walking through are the biggest fans. I have no problem passing my strings over if someone else wants to play and I always love to hear the young children singing along. Sometimes they drop a little change, and sometimes they dont, but thats not really the reason that I do it. I go out and play to watch, learn, and take home with me one of the greatest feelings in the world. I feel for those moments I helped bring a smile to someones face, and in return they do the same for me.
Another of those feelings come from working, when time allows, in a local soup kitchen in South East. Truthfully I have met some of the nicest people there. Quite a few have held white collar jobs and are finding out the hardest possible way that there are no jobs available for them. It saddens me when I see someone that used to be full of life and vigor, and now can barely look someone in the eye because of their shame. If you ever want to see unity, walk in to a soup kitchen in the mid afternoon. People helping eachother and actually caring for one another. It is one of the most inspiring feelings in my life. I have learned much from these people, and will carry lessons from them for as long as I will remember. There may be a time when I find myself having to be a client of such a place, and in that i will be greatful for its existance. Not to mention the non-judgemental personalities that welcome you in and actually care about you and your wellbeing.
All this being said please know that it is in no way an attempt to toot my own horn, but more of an example of what I use as a muse. So i suppose it was quite a detailed answer as to why I write what I do. I like to experience life from all aspects and the only way to do that is to actually get out and live. We take a look at those that may be down on their luck, and need a little bit of compassion. Far too many times in our lives we bypass all that may affect us in an attempt to live a perfect little life with no inclusion. (That is of course unless you live in Southern Maryland where drama seems to be all inclusive... lol) I just know that if I was down on my luck it would be nice to have someone say something encouraging, toss me a quater, or hand me a cheeseburger. I also know the feeling that one gets when you have the opportunity to do that and that little action brings in to perspective what life is really about.
Life to me is about loving, living, and feeling, about having hope and giving hope. Life is about attempting to make the world a better place in whatever capacity you can. Life is about knowing that there are people that care for you and may not even know you. Life is about Humanity!
My muse is life and the simple actions that make life better for all, its the people that I saw in court a few days ago, its being with my girlfriend, its all of you. So in short... Thank you all for being my muse and giving me a reason to write.
Be good to eachother, and learn to let go of the negatives in life. Make your life better by helping those that need it, and show compassion, its a gift that will be returned to you one day!
Peace to you all, thank you for reading!
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